Silvio Berlusconi

"What are your vital statistics my dear?" 36 26 34, "Great would you like a job as education minister" "ohh you are illiterate, would you like a job as Chancellor of the Exchequer "? oops sorry I thought I was the Italian Prime Minister there for a second. 

Silvio is the deserved focus of my blog today less than a year after his first remark about US President Barack Obama having a great 'tan', Berlusconi goes a step further. He says First Lady Michelle must sunbathe with her husband as she too has a great tan. Everyone should be allowed one great blooper but the Italian Stalion goes from blooper to blooper like a fly on crumbs. The Italian premier caused a huge upset after he said while he was considering deploying nearly 30,000 troops to Italy's cities, there would never be enough soldiers to protect the country's many 'beautiful girls' from rape. He maintains his comment was a compliment towards Italian women. Ok heres another few quotes and at the end you can guess who from

"Read The Black Book of Communism and you will discover that in the China of Mao, they did not eat children, but had them boiled to fertilise the fields."

"I trust the intelligence of the Italian people too much to think that there are so many pricks around who would vote against their own best interests." 

"An Aids patient asks his doctor whether the sand treatment prescribed him will do any good. 'No', the doctor replies, 'but you will get accustomed to living under the earth'."
His response to critics who said the joke was offensive:
"They have lost their minds; they really have come to the end of the line, indeed they have gone beyond it. I would advise them, too, to undergo sand treatment..."

Gawdafi

Libyan leader Moammar Gaddafi did not cease to amaze as he gave his first ever address to the UN, taking the opportunity to slam the global body for being ineffective. His colorful speech, which was supposed to last 15 minutes, went on for an hour and 36 minutes,
At one point, Gaddafi grabbed hold of the UN charter and threw it over his shoulder.
After struggling to turn Khadafy’s insane ramblings at the UN into English for 75 minutes, the Libyan dictator’s personal interpreter got lost in translation.
"I just can’t take it any more," Khadafy’s interpreter shouted into the live microphone – in Arabic.
At that point, the U.N.’s Arabic section chief, Rasha Ajalyaqeen, took over and translated the final 20 minutes of the speech.
Gadhafi was dressed in flowing brown robe, and a black beret that he patted at times. As he listened to speeches before he took the stage, aides huddled around him; he kept his glasses, a red handkerchief and a rumpled yellow folder in front of him on the desk. The black beret patting thing probably reminded him of spanking of which he must have had a lot as a kid. That was in reference to yesterdays blog observation about spanked kids IQ's.

John Cleese and Greg Norman are getting divorced, not from each other, from their respective wives, John will have to fork out £8 million in cash and assets.
Ms Eichelberger, an American psychotherapist, will also receive £600,000 a year for seven years. Greg Norman was married to Chris Evert for 15 months so I'm not sure what thats worth. Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air Golf is a good way to ruin a nice walk.

chirac

I loved this story. Former French President Jacques Chirac has announced that he has given away his beloved dog after it attacked him for a third time.

Sumo, a Maltese terrier, is reported to have bitten him in the stomach in their apartment in the capital, Paris.

Mr Chirac's wife, Bernadette, said the dog had been treated for depression after finding it difficult to come to terms with leaving the Elysee Palace.

In January this year, Mr Chirac had to be hospitalised after the dog sank his teeth into an unnamed body part.

In this latest attack, Mrs Chirac said that Sumo had been lying quietly at her feet but flew into a violent rage on the approach of her husband.

The dog leapt up and nipped the former French leader in the stomach.

"I was very scared because there was blood. It's terrible, the small teeth like that. He was going wild. He wanted to jump up and bite again," she said. There are some factions and one country (Australia) that recons Sumo should be awarded the Maltese Cross.

I also see in the news that

A towering Turk was officially crowned the world's tallest man on Thursday after his Ukrainian rival dropped out of the running by refusing to be measured.

Guinness World Records said that 8 foot 1 inch (2.47 meter) Sultan Kosen, from the town of Mardin in eastern Turkey, is now officially the tallest man walking the planet. Although the previous record holder, Ukrainian Leonid Stadnyk, reportedly measured 8 feet 5.5 inches (2.57 meters), Guinness said he was stripped of his title when he declined to let anyone confirm his height. Probably as he is 4ft 10 with a good imagination.

A new university study says that children who are spanked end up with lower IQ’s than children who aren’t spanked. You know what this means? When you think you're beating some sense into your kid, you're actually beating them senseless. Personally I think that Mrs Chirac may have been spanked a bit.

Another study shows the ice cap is melting faster than previously thought. Global warming deniers cite the positives. Polar bears are becoming better and better swimmers.

 I am going to save the blogs now onto a podcast "woohoo" I hear you cry and then silence as you google "podcast" It can be found at

http://robshairp.podbean.co/

Canadian astronaut

The man who plans on being "the first clown in space" said Thursday he's got some surprises planned for the crew of the international space station.Cirque du Soleil founder Guy Laliberte told reporters he plans to tickle the professional astronauts while they're sleeping, and is also bringing red clown noses to try to lighten things up on the orbiting station.I cant think of anything worse when I was trying to sleep than to have some bloke in a red nose trying to tickle me, I will be supprised if the Russian doesnt stick him with a fork or Mars probe or something. There was another Clown astronaut before him too that was that Lisa Marie Nowak  the diaper clown.

At the height of the space race in the 1960's, NASA decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules.
After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of $ 1 million. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth.
The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.

China displayed a spectacular show on Thursday as it celebrated the 60th anniversary of the founding of the republic, but punctuated this with commitment to world peace. The show consisted of displaying its military might, Spectators witnessed the high technological level of China's military equipment and the completeness of its armed forces, I'm lost how this commited to world peace apart from maybe scaring everyone else into not slagging China about its deplorable human rights acts.

Stupid sausage

Well I often lecture my customers about downloading "free"stuff that ends up infecting their computers etc well I went and tried to get a free serial key for some software and as a result have had to spend the last 4 hrs formatting and reinstalling windows and software back on my laptop as I downloaded malware that corrupted windows.

IT'S an Aussie classic but now there's a new version. Vegemite's latest incarnation - a spread that mixes cream cheese with the original formula - has been christened after a three-month, nationwide naming competition.Kraft Foods yesterday announced the winning name: Vegemite iSnack2.0.
West Australian web designer Dean Robbins, 27, beat more than 48,000 entrants to come up with the winning name. Other entries suggested were Ruddymite, Wow Chow and 2ritemite.I personally like the "2ritemite" myself although the "i" phenomenon is very topical.
Acting Queensland Premier Paul Lucas has appealed to the family of teenage sailor Jessica Watson to call off her around-the-world solo expedition, after a report suggested she was inadequately prepared.
I agree Paul and I think the sponsers of her little venture should be held liable for any costs involved when she needs rescued from the Southern Ocean.
I was hoping to have got out fishing with Paddies son Blake while he was down on holidays but the wind has been howling all weekend so we didn't get out. This site has really good graphs for the weather here and it is pretty accurate.

Excersise

Well I went out and bought myself a home gym and its set up in the office so I will get pangs of guilt if I dont use it. Ohh thats not me in the picture although I have been getting a tan,my wee muscles ache but it feels good. Apparently its the realease of Endorphins that give you the good feeling, I had to google it of course and, Endorphins are endogenous opioid polypeptide compounds. They are produced by the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus in vertebrates during strenuous exercise, ok that explaination did nothing for me thankfully I still feel good after my workout.Endorphins consists of two parts: endo- and -orphin; these are short forms of the words endogenous and morphine, intended to mean "a morphine-like substance originating from within the body."

When giant pandas Wang Wang and Funi arrive in Adelaide from China in November there will be 30 cameras to televise their every move a bit like Big Brother TV series. Adelaide Zoo life sciences and conservation director Kevin Evans said some enthusiasts even had several screens in their house simultaneously showing camera footage of pandas from around the world.

"Obviously the pandas won't know what's going on, but there are online clubs devoted to watching them, that's how charismatic and interesting these animals are to the world," he said. I recon they dont have enough to do and that this also says something about TV shows and how bad they are.
Theres a website called "Fans Of Big Brother" I was hopeing it would be a spoof site but its not :(   http://www.fansofbigbrother.com/ how rediculous oops how interesting.

WAIT good newssssssssssss On Monday Night, Big Brother will turn the lights off in the BB House for the very last time - After 8 seasons, around 728 days of isolation for 163 HMs and Intruders in total, including 1 Celebrity BB. wooohooo.

New outback dust storm forms

Brilliant I just finished washing down the car, boat and outside of the house to find out that another dust storm is brewing.

 Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.

Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
Americans: Believe that people should look out for and take care of themselves.
Canadians: Believe that that is the government's job.

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

Canadians: Endure bitterly cold winters and are proud of it.
Brits: Endure oppressively wet and dreary winters and are proud of it.
Americans: Don't have to do either, and couldn't care less.
Aussies: Don't understand what inclement weather means.

Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

Americans: Seem to think that poverty and failure are morally suspect.
Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success, and failure are inherited.
Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

Brits: Have produced many great comedians, celebrated by Canadians, ignored by Americans, and therefore not rich.
Aussies: Have produced comedians like Paul Hogan and Yahoo Serious.
Canadians: Have produced many great comedians such as John Candy, Martin Short, Jim Carrey, Dan Akroyd, and all the rest at SCTV.
Americans: Think that these people are American!

Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch 4 channels.
Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball and basketball.
Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer and rugby.
Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they played them in.

Aussies: Are extremely patriotic about their beer.
Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, in either language, when they can be bothered to sing them.
Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

Brits: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their past citizens.
Americans: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their present citizens.
Canadians: Prattle on about how some of those great Americans were once Canadian.
Aussies: Waffle on about how some of their past citizens were once Outlaw Pommies, but none of that matters after several beers.